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Europe fires 200,000 humans for AI

Editorial Team
·

📖4 min read

Cover image for Europe fires 200,000 humans for AI

💼 European Banks to Fire 200,000 Humans (For "Efficiency")

  • Morgan Stanley says 10% of European banking jobs are getting CTRL+ALT+DELETED by 2030. Goldman Sachs already froze hiring through 2025 for their "OneGS 3.0" initiative (yes they actually named it that).

  • The AI revolution isn't just coming for your coding job - it's coming for everyone's job. Banks want 30% efficiency gains, which is corporate speak for "we found out Excel macros can do your job." (source)

🚀 China's Nvidia Clone Goes Full STONKS Mode

  • Shanghai Biren Technology YEETED 76% on its Hong Kong debut, raising HK$5.58 billion. Their BR100 chip is supposedly Nvidia's rival (sure bestie). Institutional demand was 26x oversubscribed (??)

  • China's speedrunning tech independence while Hong Kong IPOs raised $36.5 BILLION in 2025 - triple last year. The chip wars just went DEFCON-2. (source)

🎧 OpenAI Says Screens Are Cringe, Audio Is Based

  • OpenAI unified multiple teams to build an audio-first device that can interrupt you mid-sentence. Silicon Valley collectively decided screens are sooo 2024.

  • The entire tech industry is pivoting to audio because apparently we're too lazy to look at things now. Meta's smart glasses, Google's audio summaries - screens are becoming the new fax machine. (source)

📸 Instagram Boss: "Nothing Is Real Anymore LOL"

  • Adam Mosseri warns AI content will soon be indistinguishable from reality. Instagram's solution?? Cryptographic verification at capture (because that'll definitely work).

  • The era of "pics or it didn't happen" is DEAD. We're entering the "pics and it still probably didn't happen" timeline. Not great!! (source)

💾 Samsung Begs Nvidia: "Please Notice Us Senpai"

  • Samsung's co-CEO says customers told them "Samsung is back" with their HBM4 memory chips. They're in "close discussion" with Nvidia (translation: desperately sliding into Jensen's DMs).

  • SK Hynix owns 53% of the market while Samsung's out here like "we're back!!" The AI chip wars are getting embarrassing. (source)

🔬 DeepSeek Drops Efficiency Hack, West Sweats Nervously

  • New "mHC technique" could slash AI training costs dramatically. The CEO personally uploaded the paper (weird flex but ok).

  • China's making frontier AI at Walmart prices while we're burning $75 BILLION on data centers. This is... concerning/impressive/terrifying?? (source)

💰 Investors Throw $26.5B at AI Stocks, Hope for Best

  • Global equity funds got PUMPED with billions in 2025's final week. MSCI World Index up 20.6% because AI go brrr.

  • Everyone's betting on AI like it's 1999 again. Analysts expect 12% earnings growth which is totally sustainable and definitely not a bubble :) (source)

🏭 Asian Factories: Winning | European Factories: Not So Much

  • Taiwan and South Korea manufacturing bounced back thanks to AI chips. Meanwhile Euro zone hit a 9-month low (Germany in shambles).

  • If you make AI hardware, you're THRIVING. If you make literally anything else... maybe update that LinkedIn. (source)

🦄 China's Moonshot AI Raises $500M, Refuses to Go Public

  • IDG Capital dropped $150 MILLION, now they're sitting on $1.4 billion cash. They're "in no rush" for an IPO (translation: we don't need your money).

  • Chinese AI unicorns are staying private longer, building war chests to compete globally without Wall Street breathing down their necks. Smart/scary. (source)

🏦 Baidu's Chip Unit Files for IPO (Everyone's Doing It)

  • Kunlunxin valued at $3 billion, mainly supplies chips to... Baidu. Seven companies filed Hong Kong listings on January 1st alone (??)

  • The AI chip supply chain is going public EVERYWHERE. It's giving dot-com bubble but with more GPUs. (source)

🌍 European Manufacturing: "This Is Fine" 🔥

  • Euro zone PMI dropped to 48.8 - lowest in 9 months. Germany's dying while France randomly jumped to a 42-month high (???)

  • The global economy is literally split-screening - AI sectors printing money while traditional manufacturing is having its "Blockbuster Video moment." (source)

📱 Someone Made a $499 Anti-Social Media Phone

  • Clicks launched a BlackBerry-style phone with NO social apps and a physical keyboard. It has a "Signal Light" that glows different colors for contacts (very 2006 energy).

  • Not everyone wants AI in their toaster. There's actual demand for devices that don't harvest your dopamine. Wild concept!! (source)