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Google hits $3T while OpenAI admits we're cooked

Editorial Team
·

📖4 min read

Cover image for Google hits $3T while OpenAI admits we're cooked

📈 Google Achieves $3 Trillion Market Cap (Gemini Still Mid)

  • Alphabet just hit $3 trillion because investors think Gemini is the future. They also dodged an antitrust bullet and kept Chrome/Android.

  • Wall Street is betting trillions that AI isn't just hype — it's the entire economy now. Your 401k is basically a GPU fund. (source)

🫧 OpenAI Chair: "We're in a Bubble But YOLO"

  • Bret Taylor admits we're speedrunning the dot‑com crash 2.0. Says most AI companies will die but the tech will "transform the economy" (after destroying it first).

  • Even the people printing money from AI are like "yeah this is unsustainable." But the music hasn't stopped yet. (source)

👑 OpenAI Building an "Empire" While We Watch Netflix

  • New book claims OpenAI has more power than most countries and is racing to AGI by just throwing compute at the problem until something sentient emerges.

  • The quest for AGI has become a religious crusade with a $100B budget and zero safety rails. What could go wrong? (source)

⚖️ Rolling Stone's Owner Sues Google for AI Theft

  • Penske Media (Rolling Stone, Variety) is suing Google for using their content to make AI summaries that nobody clicks through to read.

  • The entire internet's business model just got ctrl+c'd by AI. Publishers are about to learn what Napster did to music. (source)

💰 Nvidia Guarantees CoreWeave $6.3B (Totally Normal Market)

  • CoreWeave signed a deal where Nvidia will buy any leftover cloud capacity for $6.3 billion. It's like insurance for GPUs.

  • The AI bubble is so massive that companies are pre‑buying billions in compute that doesn't exist yet. This is fine. (source)

🤖 Musk Fires 500 AI Trainers, Pivots to "Specialists"

  • xAI just laid off its entire data annotation team to hire PhD "specialist tutors" instead. Grok's about to get really good at quantum physics and really bad at everything else.

  • Even Elon realized you can't train AGI with mechanical turkers. Time to hire actual experts (until they get replaced too). (source)

💻 Senior Devs Now "AI Babysitters" Thanks to Vibe Coding

  • Experienced programmers spend more time fixing AI‑generated bugs than writing code. One compared it to letting a "smart six‑year‑old" make coffee.

  • AI coding assistants turned senior devs into QA for robots. The singularity is here and it needs constant debugging. (source)

🎓 Google's AI Chief: "Just Learn How to Learn, Bro"

  • Demis Hassabis says the only skill that matters is "learning how to learn" because everything else becomes obsolete weekly.

  • A Nobel laureate just told you your job skills are worthless. Time to speedrun a new career every six months. (source)

🎣 AI Chatbots Can Be Tricked Into Phishing (Shocking!)

  • Reuters found that AI chatbots will happily help you scam grandma if you ask nicely enough.

  • We gave everyone access to infinite scam generators. Nigerian princes are upgrading to prompt engineering. (source)

🧬 Harvard's AI Can Reverse Disease (Maybe)

  • PDGrapher AI identifies gene/drug combos to restore diseased cells to healthy states. It's like ctrl+z for cancer.

  • AI might actually cure diseases instead of just hallucinating medical advice. Big if true. (source)

🇪🇺 Cohere Opens Paris Office, Challenges Mistral

  • Canadian AI startup Cohere is expanding to Europe to fight France's Mistral for enterprise customers who care about "data sovereignty."

  • The AI wars aren't just US vs China anymore. Europe wants its own hallucination machines. (source)

™️ AI Brand Protector Raises $48M to Fight Fakes

  • MarqVision uses AI to hunt down $3 trillion worth of counterfeit goods online. Founded by a Harvard Law student who realized AI could be a copyright cop.

  • Finally, an AI use case that isn't "make chatbot go brrr." Protecting brands from knockoffs is the new gold rush. (source)

🙏 People Ask AI Chatbots for Spiritual Guidance

  • Bible Chat has 30 million downloads. People are literally asking GPT for the meaning of life.

  • AI chatbots are becoming digital priests that tell you exactly what you want to hear. Silicon Valley disrupted religion. (source)

🎾 AI Cameras Turn Tennis Into Esports

  • Lucra and Save My Play are using AI to film your tennis matches and turn them into cash prize tournaments.

  • AI is gamifying real sports. Your weekend pickleball game is about to have a leaderboard. (source)

🎶 Spotify: Free Gets Songs, Premium Gets AI

  • Spotify's free tier can now play any song, but AI Playlists stay behind the paywall.

  • AI features are the new premium tier. Pay $10/month or curate your own playlists like a caveman. (source)

Until tomorrow (if the bubble doesn't pop),
Team Galaxy.ai

P.S. If your AI coding assistant suggests rm -rf /, maybe don't trust it with production.

P.P.S. We're not saying Google's $3T valuation is entirely based on vibes, but have you actually used it lately?