Caroline Barrow shares her journey growing up in the LDS Church in Louisiana, her experiences with scrupulosity and perfectionism, and the challenges of reconciling faith and personal doubts. Her story highlights the struggles many young women face in the Mormon Church and the importance of learning to trust oneself while navigating faith and identity.
In this edition of the Mormon Stories Podcast, host John Dehlin interviews Caroline Barrow, a young woman raised in the LDS Church who has experienced the complexities of faith, doubt, and personal growth. Caroline's story is a compelling example of why many young women are leaving the Mormon Church today. Raised in Louisiana, a return missionary, and a BYU graduate now attending law school at LSU, Caroline shares her journey through scrupulosity, perfectionism, and the challenges of reconciling questions about her faith.
Caroline was born into a devout Mormon family. Her father was raised in the church, while her mother converted at the age of 22. Both parents eventually fully committed to the covenant path, with a civil marriage followed by a temple sealing after a year. Caroline is the oldest of three siblings, with two younger brothers.
Though Caroline was born in Houston, Texas, she moved to Louisiana at the age of three and was raised there. Her upbringing was typical of many Mormon children, with regular church attendance every Sunday, Wednesday night activities, family home evenings, and scripture study. Her family emphasized the blessings of the gospel, especially highlighting how it positively transformed her mother's life.
The church community in her area was relatively strong, with wards rather than branches and a youth program that included 20 to 30 participants. Seminary classes had about 12 to 15 students, which Caroline considered a good size for her region.
Caroline's mother was originally Episcopalian and was drawn to Mormonism largely because of unanswered questions about the afterlife. The missionaries' teachings and the close relationship with Caroline's father and his family led to her conversion and baptism.
Caroline describes her childhood as happy and filled with love for the church. The gospel was a central part of family life, and she enjoyed participating in church activities and youth programs.
Despite her positive early experiences, Caroline struggled with scrupulosity—a form of religious anxiety characterized by obsessive concern with moral or religious perfection. This struggle made it difficult for her to trust herself and navigate her own spiritual path.
These challenges began early and persisted through her mission and time at BYU. Caroline faced the difficult task of reconciling her questions and doubts with the expectations of the church and her community.
Caroline's story is emblematic of many young women in the Mormon Church who grapple with the tension between faith and personal doubts. Her journey involved questioning while on her mission, during her education at BYU, and beyond.
Learning to trust herself became a crucial part of her growth. Over time, Caroline developed the ability to listen to her own experiences and feelings, even when they conflicted with church teachings or community expectations.
Now in her second year of law school at LSU, Caroline continues to explore her identity and beliefs. Her story sheds light on the broader trend of young women leaving the Mormon Church, often due to struggles with perfectionism, unanswered questions, and the desire for autonomy.
Her experience underscores the importance of creating spaces where individuals can safely question and explore their faith without fear of judgment or ostracism.
Caroline Barrow's journey from a devout Mormon upbringing in Louisiana to questioning and navigating her own path highlights the complex realities many young women face in the LDS Church. Her story reveals the challenges of scrupulosity, the impact of family and community, and the vital process of learning to trust oneself.
As more young women like Caroline seek authenticity and understanding, the Mormon Church and its members are called to consider how to support those wrestling with faith and doubt in compassionate and meaningful ways.
