As Pride month concludes, this guide dives into a deeply personal and insightful conversation about sex from the perspective of bisexual and pansexual women. Drawing from lived experiences on all sides of intimacy, this guide offers a unique superpower: understanding pleasure both as a receiver and giver. Featuring Annette and Samia Mounts, queer and non-binary voices, this article explores bisexuality, pansexuality, and practical advice for better sex, especially focused on pleasuring women.
Understanding Bisexuality and Pansexuality
Bisexuality and pansexuality are often used interchangeably but have nuanced differences:
- Bisexuality traditionally refers to attraction to two or more genders, often understood as men and women, including cisgender and trans men and women.
- Pansexuality embraces attraction across the entire gender spectrum, including non-binary, genderqueer, and other gender identities beyond the binary.
These definitions are fluid and personal. Many use the terms interchangeably or prefer the umbrella term "queer" to express their sexual orientation.
Personal Journeys with Queerness
Both Annette and Samia share their experiences:
- Early recognition of attraction to multiple genders.
- Navigating conservative environments and limited opportunities for exploration.
- Experiencing trauma and its impact on sexual identity.
- Shifting from identifying as bisexual to pansexual as understanding of gender expanded.
- Recognizing internalized misogyny and patriarchal conditioning affecting dating behaviors.
- Embracing queerness with less need to loudly proclaim identity, focusing instead on authentic connection.
The Impact of Patriarchy on Sexuality
Patriarchy affects everyone differently:
- It imposes rigid roles and expectations in sexual relationships.
- Men often feel pressured to perform and embody dominance.
- Women are socialized to be superhuman caretakers but also face trauma from patriarchal norms.
- These dynamics distort intimacy and pleasure, creating challenges in sexual relationships.
Understanding and deconstructing these scripts is essential for healthier, more fulfilling sexual experiences.
The Bi Girls Guide to Better Sex: Key Principles
1. Go in with Curiosity and Make Her Feel Safe
- Focus on her pleasure, not your ego.
- Be curious about what turns her on, what feels good, and what doesn’t.
- Communicate openly and ask questions.
- Create a safe space where she can express her desires and boundaries.
2. Recognize That Every Woman is Different
- Avoid assumptions based on past experiences.
- Calibrate your approach to each partner’s unique preferences.
- Embrace awkward moments with humor and patience.
3. Always Bring and Use Lube
- Lube enhances comfort and pleasure for all types of touch and penetration.
- Ask about preferences and sensitivities to different lubes.
- Use lube from the beginning of intimacy.
4. Use Flat Palms and Flat Tongues for Clitoral Stimulation
- Avoid flicking or poking the clitoris with the tip of fingers or tongue.
- Apply steady pressure with flat palms or tongues in circular motions.
- Think of it like French kissing with your tongue—flat and pulsating.
5. Pay Attention to Her Physical Responses
- Tune into her breath, skin tension, and subtle body shifts.
- Learn to read these signals like Braille to guide your touch.
- Adjust pressure, speed, and technique accordingly.
6. Clip Your Nails and Consider Wearing Gloves
- Keep nails trimmed to avoid discomfort.
- Gloves can be sexy and hygienic, especially in queer and lesbian contexts.
7. Bring Toys and Supplies
- Show up prepared with a variety of toys, lubes, condoms, and other accessories.
- Vibrators, dildos, and pleasure air tech devices can enhance experiences.
- Condoms are the responsibility of the penetrating partner; bring your own and find what fits best.
8. Understand That Women Can Have Multiple Orgasms
- Don’t stop after one orgasm; many women can experience several.
- Use toys or hands to continue pleasure if you’re physically tired.
9. Decenter the Penis
- Men are more than their penises; sexual pleasure involves the whole person.
- Explore power dynamics, role reversals, and different forms of intimacy beyond penetration.
10. Create Safety for Both Partners
- Emotional safety is crucial for vulnerability and exploration.
- Men also need space to express emotions and desires without pressure.
Reflections on Sexual Roles and Dynamics
- Queer and bisexual women often navigate complex dynamics, sometimes adopting traditionally masculine roles or challenging norms.
- Role flexibility and open communication enrich relationships.
- Exploring new dynamics, such as butt play or power exchanges, can deepen intimacy.
Final Thoughts
This guide is a celebration of the complexity and beauty of bisexual and pansexual experiences with sex and intimacy. It encourages generosity, curiosity, and attentiveness in the bedroom, emphasizing that pleasure is a shared journey. By dismantling patriarchal scripts and embracing authentic connection, anyone can become a better lover and create fulfilling sexual experiences.
Where to Find More from Samia Mounts
- Podcast: Happy [ __ ] with Samia Mounts
- Writing: Samiiamounts.com
- Social Media: Instagram and TikTok @HappySlutcast
Go forth and explore pleasure with curiosity and care. Your journey to better sex starts tonight.
Cheers to connection, pleasure, and authenticity!
